Testing...testing

Today is year end testing for Amanda. Actually, year end testing is only taken by the kids, the results are the indicator of my abilities/shortcomings as a teacher. So, while Amanda is nervous, I am stressed.

I think as home school Moms we always are harder on ourselves than others are. I tend to compare myself to all my home school Mom friends and what they are doing with their kids. Some are very organized and diligent and their kids are in every activity.

I tend to be more relaxed, and I enjoy that, but when I hear about some of the other kids and what they are doing and the tests they are taking, I think my kids will end up on the street corner selling pencils from a cup.

I think I lose focus on why we chose to home school to begin with. I love being with my girls, even when they are fighting like cats and dogs. I love the sense of accomplishment when they finally "get it" or take a new interest and run with it.

I have a hard time remembering that God is in control of all of this, and I have to pay attention to what He and the girls are telling me about which direction we need to head. I think this is hardest with Amanda, because she is all over the board on where she is academically.

I supposed this is no different than any other job. I think if I was out in the "real" world I would probably be comparing my performance to others doing the same job. But in this one, I have to remember that my kids are my kids, and theirs are theirs. What they do wouldn't mesh with mine, and what we do would probably send their kids running back to public school.

Maybe the value of our more relaxed days will be seen in their later years. I hope they will remember this time and all the trips, fun activities, times we struggled through a subject with success, and have happy memories.

In the meantime - pray I pass today!